Guest Entry: Paul Ryan on Smoked Figs!

Have you ever eaten a smoked fig? I hadn’t . . . until last Sunday. In fact, I’d never even heard of smoked figs. But I’ve got a fig tree in my yard, as well as a smoker that I built last month. A collision of the two was inevitable.

First, the smoker. Everybody should have one. Why? Because smoked food is hella sexy. You can buy a smoker for too much money, or you can build one for about $60. Actually, you can buy one for about $60 . . . but it’ll be made of metal and fueled by charcoal . . . both of which are undesirable. Heat dissipates too quickly in metal and temperature is too difficult to control over long periods of time with charcoal.

To build a smoker, you need the following ingredients:

1 large standard-shaped terra cotta planter/pot (I think mine’s about 18”)
1 large terra cotta cactus-style (i.e., shallow) planter/pot which, when turned upside down and placed on the other pot, will serve as the domed lid of the smoker
a round cooking grate that will fit nicely into the terra cotta planter (likely to be found among replacement grill parts)
a round replacement grill thermometer
a bag of fragrant wood chunks (e.g., hickory). If you can’t find these at your hardware store, visit your nearest Barbeques Galore, which sells many different kinds for about $7 a bag.
one 8 or 9 inch round cake pan . . . the thicker, the better. You can probably pick one up for about buck at a thrift store
a small, single burner hot plate. I special-ordered mine from a True Value hardware store for about $18.

Now, for the assembly. Place the hot plate in the large terra cotta pot. Put the power cord through the drain hole in the bottom of the pot. Put the cake pan on top of the hot plate. A few wood chunks go in the cake pan. The cooking grate goes in next . . . held up by the sides of the pot. Put the cactus pot on upside down, as the lid. Finally, place the thermometer in the drainage whole of the cactus pot. It just sits there in the hole and doesn’t need to be fastened to the pot in any way. Now you’re ready to smoke.

Bring your smoker up to about 200 F . . . no more than 225 F. Cut a bunch of figs in half. Place them in an oven-safe pan of some sort, cut side up. (I used my rectangular pyrex baking pan.) Drizzle them with molasses and add about a cup of fruit juice (I used Trader Joe’s organic blackberry blend). Place them in the smoker for 5 or 6 hours, turning them cut side down for the last hour. The sugar from the juice and molasses will caramelize on the figs as the figs dry out and shrink a bit. The smaller the figs, the less cook time required.

I had no idea how my fig experiment would turn out. The first one I tasted turned me out . . . the little slut that I am . . . knocked my panties off . . . or would have, had I been wearing panties. And though these figs make my loins rumble on their own, I bet they’d be even sexier paired with some prosciutto, a nice Italian-style cheese and some fresh Italian bread. Throw in some wine and look out! I’m afraid I may blind myself if I head down that road alone. I better find a traveling companion first! radicalleft at hotmail dot com.

Comments

[Lux]

I wear panties and have never tasted a smoked fig but, damn, I'm looking forward to having my panties knocked off!