Random Questions for Fellow Travelers in the World of Food & Drink II
The following responses are courtesy of Alan Witchey. Alan Witchey holds an MFA from Antioch University, has had a couple of short stories published in largely unknown anthologies, and has delusions of grandeur, which he anticipates will help him ride to world acclaim in the near future.
1. Describe your ideal dining experience.
A flight of dry and oaky Cabaret Sauvignon wines lined up to sip as a mixed green salad topped with strawberries and candied walnuts arrives. Six close friends toast to laughter, toast to the warm summer breeze blowing across the outdoor patio, toast to the handsome dark haired waiter, toast to anything as the night goes on. Our main course would be juicy, grilled meats and broccoli and steaming sour dough breadsticks. We shared our food, trading plates like sailors on shore leave trade a hooker. A piano player serenades us as the desserts arrive--chocolate volcano surprise, vanilla ice cream covered in amaretto, and pumpkin cheese cake. A light port is poured to bring out the chocolate flavors. Only after we've laughed so hard we can't breath and the cook has come by to see how we liked his meal, do we finally hug at the door and head home.
2. What foods do you consider aphrodisiacs?
Any man is an aphrodisiac. Just the slightly musky smell of his body and the warmth of his hand. But also, chocolate covered strawberries and red wines and listening to man sing and ice cream melted on a warm body.
3. Tell us of your favorite mixed drink, and why.
My favorite mixed drink is a blended red wine. I love the way my head gets light and the laughter pours out.
4. What's the most interesting mixture of foods you've ever eaten?
When I was in college, we regularly mixed macaroni and cheese, ground hamburger, and ketchup. Sounds gross, I know, but don't knock it until you've had it. When we were out of macaroni, we used Ramen noodles instead. Definitely not an adequate replacement.
More on the interesting side, I've eaten guinea pig, alpaca, allegator, buffalo, ostrich, snake, and accidentally horse meat. To be fair, I was in France for the last one. Alpaca was the best by far! If you ever get to the mountains of Peru, don't miss out.
5. Take one Trader Joe's ingredient and tell us how you make it supremely
delectable.
The dry roasted almonds, need only be opened and eaten. It's a crime to do any more.
6. Nutella or no?
Nutella is so hippy 70s. Join the hippy 00s. We eat soy nut butter and almond butter and macadamia nut butter. You can dip a rye cracker into any of them and get high protein, low carbs, and a tasty snack. For something on the wild side, cover sliced pineapple with macadamia nut butter. Best enjoyed with a pina colada, but a cosmopolitan will always do.
7. Milk or dark?
Mooooo. Milk is bad for you, no matter what the cows say. There's a conspiracy in the world to convince everyone milk is a super food, and I'm pretty sure Captain Crunch is behind it. On the other hand, if you're referring to chocolate, milk is the only way to go. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to undermine the public education system. On the other hand, if you're talking about men, the darker, the sweeter.
8. Favorite food/drink utilized during a sec-shu-al act:
Does ice cube count as a food or drink? How about flavored lubricant? No? So picky. I guess I'll have to go with cucumber. No wait, I think I'll pick spaghetti.
9. What's the name of your favorite restaurant in the city you live in? Even better, give us the address.
I love Pho Bac, a little Vietnamese place around the corner in Irvine, CA. Anyone can stop by any time and I'll take you there. They have the best soup in the world. In my world anyway.
10. Most creative way you've used beer:
The temptation to get x-rated! I'll resist. I once used beer in place of milk when making chocolate chip cookies (don't try it) and once used it instead of milk for cereal (try it only when already drunk) and many times I used it to make bread (you can try this even when you're sober).
11. Your other comments to the webmistress here:
The Curse of the Webmistress sounds like a 50s horror movie. Who would it star? By the way, most of your questions are about food and alcohol and sex. Or did I make them all about those things? Either way, after doing this, I'm hungry, thirsty, and horny. I better go find something to do that involves all of those things.
Recent Comments